Insanity, Week ONE.

           I'm not sure how to explain this.. I want to say "It's only the first week.." But I look at all that has happened and how much God has done and I want to say "Its only been a week!" God has done so much in everyone, myself included, I can't believe its only been 5 days of class. Our staff can't believe it either. We found out or outreaches on Day 2. That doesn't happen, ever.
          God has been showing me so much this week, my brain is honestly mush. Before I left for Kona I was going through a lot of personal struggles, struggles that I may or may not end up sharing, and I really felt God telling me, "Alright, I see what you're doing. And I still love you.. just know that when you get to Kona, I'm going to level you."  And level me He has. Like, bulldozer over everything and then some. So many things brought to light all at once, I kind of couldn't process it all. I'm still processing through most of it, and honestly some things have been harder then others. Some things I've been able to give up to God and repent for, and other things I have felt like I need to beat myself up over before I can bring them to God. I have felt as though certain things were so terrible, I needed to rake myself over the coals and really sit in the realization of how awful I was before I could be forgiven. But that's where God stepped in and told me, "You are already forgiven. You have already been made clean. I see your sin, and I love you anyway. You weren't created to feel this way and be continually held down by what has happened, but you were meant to be free from this. Jesus didn't die on the cross for YOU so that you could hold on to your sin, no. Your sin died at the cross with Him." 
            Seriously? Had to peel my face off the floor after that one. The realization that God is the most magnificent, understanding and grace-filled father has just rocked me. Totally and completely rocked me. I've always thought that I had to act this way and pray that way, and be all these things on this list of How to be a Good Christian in order to be a good woman of God.. but I was so wrong. I was projecting RELIGION on to GOD. Yes, there's a difference. Watch this;

I know a lot of you keep seeing this video popping up on Facebook, but of you haven't seen it you should watch it. And if seeing the thumbnail offends you (as I have heard from a handful of individuals) well, I'm sorry. Actually, no I'm not.  It's a good video and it's true.
           So that's been my week in a nutshell. A very small, I-can't-really-explain-it-all-because-its-SO-GOOD nutshell. Finding out I'm going to Japan, the bringing to light of so many heavy sins, repenting for them all, realizing the Grace He has for me, and trying to wrap my head around how much he loves me.. yeah I'd say that's a pretty solid week. Now, I have 50 chapters of Genesis to read, a journal (thats assigned) to complete, and a book (PURE HEART by Tom & Donna Cole. Its seriously incredible) to finish. By Monday.
And you all thought I was on vacation. Pssssshh.