MEGAPOST! About time, right?

          Wow. Its taken me this long to get out a post? Dang, I'm sorry guys! For our first three weeks here in Japan, we were serving with an amazing International Relief organization in the countryside of Tome (pronounced toe-may) where, IF the internet was working, could only support 5 people at a time. I have been writing bits and pieces about things we experienced during our time there, so this is the (dun dun dun) MEGAPOST! 

FIRST 3 WEEKS!

We’ve been here at Samaritans Purse for almost 3 weeks now, doing home restoration and disaster relief. This organization is absolutely amazing. The people here are the most servant-hearted people who are the hands and feet of Jesus. Everyday, they get up at the crack of dawn (no, really. Crack. Of. Dawn.) and head out to various homes that had been hit by the tsunami. They’ll assess what needs to be taken out, and the ‘mud-out crew’ (yours truly) comes in. Everything touched by the water, gets pulled out. Walls get knocked down, dry wall taken out, floors pulled up, dirt under the floors cleaned out, ceilings taken down, walls get bleached and scrubbed, etc. In some houses, the water-line (a visible line left on the wall from where the tsunami water hit/sat for days or weeks at a time) served as our marker so we knew where to stop, and in some homes that line reached over 8 feet. But let me just tell you guys, knocking down walls is seriously SO FUN! If you have never been just handed a hammer and told, “Go for it,” you don’t know what you’re missing. It’s super fun. Unless you’re working on one side of a wall, and suddenly a hammer (or, some days.. a foot) comes flying through from the other side with an explosion of dry wall flying everywhere, much closer to your head than your mother would probably like to know about (right, Mom?). This may or may not have happened a few times, but its fine.. it was really funny after the yelling subsided and we realized no one was bleeding. Seriously you guys, hilarious. But I’m digressing.. let’s focus here. So once we have “mudded out” the house, the carpenters come in and restore everything.. new walls, floors, insulation, etc, so that the house is livable. Painting and carpet and such is up to the family, but with the work that has been done, their house is now water damage and mold free. And once all has been said and done, instead of asking for payment, a Bible is given to the family. Even though there is an often times impenetrable language barrier, the love of Jesus is shown so strongly through what this organization does. Many Japanese don’t understand why there are more Christian foreigners helping then their own government or people, but the love of Christ is shown regardless of money, language or culture. It truly is our honor to serve them and help them restore what has been lost in the name of Jesus Christ, who brings more restoration then we ever could, but letting us at least start with their homes is enough. Having the opportunity to serve the Japanese families has blessed US in the most incredible and unexpected way. I have never been so challenged to show the love of Jesus, because I can’t simply share about His love like I normally would. 

SNOW DAY!

This post is brought to you today from a under 18 layers of clothing, in a sleeping bag, on a cot, in a wooden portable, in the country side of Tome, Japan.. in the middle of a blizzard. A blizzard, you guys! A BLIZZARD. Horizontal snow, 65 mph winds and all. has been cancelled for the day too, so to top it all off; My first ever SNOW DAY! Praise Jesus! We had a sweet little mini typhoon yesterday, though. Kate and I were cuddling in my cot because the wind was so intense, which is why we aren’t working today. But thats beside the point.. I have never seen anything like this before! My little southern-Californian brain is about to leak out of my ears, I can’t even handle. Yes, I have seen snow and gone snowboarding, but I have never seen it blizzard the way it has been. I am so excited, I’d be embarrassed to be seen with me if I was the rest of my team, but its okay because it gives the Japanese on-lookers something to laugh at.

EARTHQUAKES!
So, maybe our 3rd night here, we had our first big, scary, Japan earthquake.  Actually, I shouldn’t phrase it like that.. because I am in no way mocking the earthquakes here. The last dude I know of that mocked a freak natural occurrence ended up sinking the Titanic so.. I will not be making THAT mistake. Especially HERE.  Now, I’m from California, okay? Earthquakes aren’t exactly shocking or uncommon back home. But for some reason, I was not prepared for this little 4.5  monster that shook us awake that night. I know I said earthquakes aren’t a big deal back home, because we get them all the time, but I may or may not be the only Californian that loses it whenever we do have earthquakes. So when we had the 4.5 one, I didn’t completely lose it, but I came pretty close. BUT when we had a random, short but strong one last night (4/12/12), I just about ran and hid.. in the fetal position.. in my suitcase.. which is in my room, under my cot. I didn’t quite make it to my room though, because Jon was too busy holding on to me, laughing at me, and reassuring me I was going to live after all. Sigh. I hate earthquakes you guys, I really do. 

SEA WEEDING!

Today we drove to this small fishing ‘town’ beside the sea, and embarked on one of the most culturally enlightening and slightly awkward adventures, ever. We went.. Seaweeding. Think shucking corn.. but seaweed. I actually don’t know what shucking corn looks like.. but I imagine its similar to what we were doing today. Pretty much, we spent 8 hours separating the leafy part from the stem part, with either this little tool or our hands. For all 8 of those hours, I hung out in a small room with 6 japanese women, along with their father (61) & grandfather (82), and talked (okay.. THEY talked) and laughed (mostly at my foreign ignorance). I absolutely love the Japanese, don’t get me wrong.. but I fail to understand why they keep talking to us after we clearly don’t comprehend a word they are saying. They will continue talking or asking questions, as if my utterly lost and confused face somehow conveyed, “No, no.. I DO understand everything you’re saying.. I’m just pretending I don’t.” It’s kind of hilarious.. once the awkward staring and head shaking subsides. But bless their patient hearts for continuing to engage me in conversation despite my foreign ignorance.
Anyway, so we spent the whole day talking, laughing and sharing stories (through my amazing translator, praise the Lord for her) and singing different worship songs, both in English, Japanese and Korean. We even got to share the gospel with these women, which said, “Well, I guess that makes sense. You’d have to have quite a strong faith in something to be out here, doing what you’re doing.” Through Mo, who translated, I told her it was an honor to be there, serving Jesus.. and her. She smiled a smile that, even though it was covered by her mask, I was sure would’ve melted my heart. After that, the conversation took quite an interesting turn.
The mother asked me when I was going home and I told her I was going back home to see my family in June, and that I hadn’t seen them since January. She then said, “That’s a long time to be away from home. Your boyfriend must not be happy,” to which I replied, “I don’t have a boyfriend. I find it easier to do missions without one. Lighter travel.” But she shook her head and said she was sorry, not for assuming I had a boyfriend.. but sorry I didn’t have one. Awkward. In attempt to change the subject, I started saying how much I was going to miss Japan, and she responds with, “Well, marry my son then! He’s good looking. Live in Japan! You can be our in-law!” I just turned bright red and stared at the massive pile of sea weed in front of me while the room full of 6 Japanese women laughed and laughed at my expense. Then came break time, which I was so grateful for.. anything to escape being married off. So, while enjoying my paper cup of hot green tea, I realized the 6 dudes standing in a circle across from me were talking amongst themselves and pointing at me. One broke away from the rest, walked right up to me.. and I mean RIGHT IN MY FACE.. staring curiously. I’m looking around for one Mo or Anne (who had been translating for me, because keep in mind, NO ONE spoke a word of english) who had disappeared, as this man reached out for my mouth. I stepped backward and he pointed to his upper lip. OHHH! My lip ring. I pointed to it, and he reached for my mouth again.. trying to get me to open my mouth so he could see how it worked. I typically like to be in-charge of the contents of my own face, so I pulled my upper lip up so he could see.. and he examined it in a way that my dentist would be proud of. I was asked about my nose ring and lip ring periodically through out the rest of the afternoon.. about how they worked and if they hurt. They don’t see piercings on anyone in that side of town, typically. Awkward, yes. But altogether hilarious.
We talked about where they were when the tsunami struck, and listened to them reflect back. Many of them ran for the hills, literally.. up the mountain next to us. The father told us we were actually sitting on the site of their house before the tsunami washed it away.

TOKYO! 

        Alright, I'm going to be honest with y'all for a second. First of all, yes, I have started saying y'all, and secondly.. I am terrible at this whole blogging consistently thing. I love writing, but outreach has been such a whirlwind. We arrived in Tokyo after a 2 hour Bullet Train ride, and half way home (with 24 stops to go) Zak starts puking. Poor man caught the stomach flu. Brutal, right? Yeah, the onlookers that helped catch the puke bag as it slipped out of our hands thought so too. Anyway, on to things less disgusting and puke filled. 

        We've been working with the YWAM base here, meeting so many new people, getting lost in the heart of Tokyo and seeing a Japanese man give his life to Jesus! We don't have a translator, finding ANYONE who speaks a little english is hard to come by, and finding a Japanese person who is even open to hearing the Gospel is even more rare. So the fact that this man set his gods aside and accepted CHRIST is nothing short of a miracle. Living here has been the most incredible experience so far, and I am so in love this this city, this nation, and the Japanese. We're moving again today, to a house for missionaries so we can all live together as a team (we've been living in separate houses for the last week), and we are SO EXCITED! More posts coming soon.. no, really, I swear. Keep us in your prayers and if you have any prayer requests of your own- let us know!! LOVE YOU ALL!

Devastation Realization

YEAH, YOU SHOULD READ THIS PART FIRST!:   I was going to save this part of the soon-coming extensive blog post for later, but since I just posted pictures of this on Facebook.. I wanted you all to know the back story, not just look through them. These were from a day off we had this weekend, and how it really moved me. I have never seen devastation like that before, and I wanted to share my heart with you all. Love you guys! And don’t worry, I’ve actually been writing little posts everyday, but its a rare opportunity when I have internet so I will be posting them all at once in one MEGA POST (to be read with dramatic emphasis).
Enjoy :)

[April 7th, 2012]

Today we took a drive about 15 minutes away from our base to get a first hand look at a city that was (no exaggeration) leveled by the tsunami. The city is called Matsushima (yeah say that three times fast), and it had a population of a little over 14,000 prior to the tsunami. Today, the population has declined dramatically, with 10,000 lives lost and 2,000 still missing. We found this skeleton of a building with a memorial being set up in front of it, and there we met a man who spoke english (a pretty rare find on the streets here). While I watched a video of the wave actually sweeping houses away on the iphone of a girl who was with this man, he was telling us about how the city was affected. With the exception of the remains of a few buildings, all that was left of everything was the foundations. This man, a Japanese Orchestra conductor, started telling us about this girl named Meeki (I don’t know how to spell it, but thats how it sounds. sound it out, boys and girls.) who stayed in her building, warning everyone over the town-wide intercom system to get to higher ground because the tsunami was quickly approaching. She stayed at that PA system until the wave hit her building minutes later.. she was 24 years old. But because of her bravery, hundreds lived. Because of her, I was able to watch the video of the tsunami on the cellphone of one of the many who heard her repeated warnings. This is a well known story, but there are too others many just like hers.  

After we left the man, we wandered over to one of the remaining buildings to explore and take pictures. This building in particular, was a hospital. Articles of people’s clothing and shoes stuck half-buried in the mud everywhere you walked outside. The first thing you see when you walk through the what-used-to-be hospital doors, is a memorial. Flowers and candles and stuffed animals and notes fill this giant table in remembrance of the doctors, nurses, and patients. There was only 30 minutes from the beginning of the earthquake to the arrival of the tsunami, so not everyone was able to evacuate. There was wires dangling from every inch of the ceiling, and an evacuation map of the building, with black X’s through certain floors. I wandered up a few flights of stairs and into a random room, and was face to face with a boat. The wall was completely gone, and standing before this small fishing boat that had been thrown into the third story of this hospital was one of the most indescribable moments I have ever experienced. Standing in the freezing cold wind, trying to wrap my head around what I was seeing, and make sense of the horror of how it got there, was unlike anything I have ever felt. I held it together long enough to get some pictures (that honestly don’t do it justice), before I decided to move on to other rooms. But God had other plans, because I turned around and the first thing I see is this single little girl’s sandal lying by itself in the middle of the floor, and needless to say, I lost it. I thought I might have gained some idea of the devastation by seeing these things, but I still have no idea. This has re-broken and re-shaped my heart for Japan in a profound way. Not just because of the tsunami disaster, but the Japanese.. or just al of Japan for that mater, has grabbed hold of my heart in a way I didn’t see coming. 

I’ll write more about this in the next day or so, (because it's after midnight here) but I really wanted to get this post out there so if you see the pictures I posted (in my Oops.. We’re in Japan album on facebook) you’d actually see the heart behind them. Love you all!

Hipster Goldfish Interview Update?

Today, (while waiting to Skype our bible study back home) I decided to conduct in interview at the Banyan Tree Cafe here on campus with my friend Kyle. It involves Goldfish and hipster glasses.. both of which we were pretty excited about. 

Interview Topic: What has been the most profound thing God has done in your life during DTS so far?

VIDEO Update, What?

DISCLAIMER: Video may cause slight feelings of awkwardness.. or maybe that was just me. Also, I don't know how to edit videos, I'm not that technologically savvy, so there is some rambling. But if you ever wondered how I sound everyday of my life, here you are, wonder no more. Oh, and at some point I will have a brief mini-freak out at my friend Matt, but that's only because this was the 4th time I had tried to record this update without someone coming up and talking to me or my computer, thinking I was Skyping. But its okay, he forgave me and accepted my love. Okay, this is an obnoxiously long disclaimer. Ready, go.

A True Miracle of God

       Last Thursday night, our Japan Outreach team baked a whole bunch of brownies, cookies, brownies with cookies baked in them (yeah, how's that for a Pinterest recipe idea for ya) and ice cream, as a way to raise money for our upcoming trip. We decided we were going to sell them by Donation, rather then put a price on the goods. You guys, we could not believe the generosity we saw! Some gave us so much more then we could have ever asked for, some just gave us money to help support us and wanted nothing in return, even some fellow students gave to us when they need help themselves.  The Lord SO blessed our team and we sold EVERYTHING! We counted up everything we made and we were given so much more then we could have ever asked for! We couldn't believe it! Praise JESUS!! On Friday, we all sat and talked as a team and decided we wanted to keep a portion to turn around and bless others with. But then everyone decided to give the rest of the funds to me, because I still hadn't paid the remainder of my tuition that was due that day. I seriously cannot believe the love and generosity of my team!
       A few minutes later, my small group leader called me down to the DTS Office. I had a print out of how much I still owed on my tuition in hand when I walked in to see my two school leaders, my small group leader, and two friends from our outreach team sitting at tables out back. I felt like I had just walked into the principals office. I sat down and helped them recount the donations. Eventually my leader told me, "I don't like giving serious talks.. but I asked to talk to you because I was supposed to tell you that because you didn't have enough to pay for you lecture phase, we had to send you home today."   I just kind of stared at her.. I was being sent home? I couldn't go back to California, I just couldn't.   "But," she continued, nodding toward the couple from my team that was sitting at the table, "..they've decided to cover the remainder of your Lecture Phase, so you can stay."   I couldn't fathom this incredible miracle that had just been placed in my hands. MINUTES before I was told to pack my bags, God stepped in through the wonderful hearts of my friends. If I ever had  problem understanding salvation before, that was gone now. I had a debt that was far more than I could ever pay, and as I was about to be sent home for it, my debt was suddenly paid. Out of incredible love and grace, My Debt Had Been Paid! Are you guys hearing me here? I told so many of you that even though this financial situation over the last few weeks sucked (to put it mildly) that it was a Win/Win for you all. Either way this ended up, you were either going to witness a True Miracle of God, or you all were going to see me a lot sooner then we all thought.
       I would love to tell you all that I had full confidence in God the whole time that He would provide and everything would come in just fine, but I didn't. God asked me one day if I trusted Him, even if He sent me back to California, and I flat out said no. It's a difficult and scary thing to lay your whole life in the hands of a God we can't see. It was a struggle, much harder than I ever thought. There were days I would just sit and cry because I was so afraid of going home.. because I didn't trust Him.. because I wanted to be in control even though I knew I couldn't do this. I wanted to pack my bags on my own because I was too afraid He wouldn't show up. After all the tears and the restless nights, I finally gave up. I turned all my trust over to Him, what other choice did I have? I was still apprehensive because I didn't know how He was going to provide enough to cover this debt and keep me here..

  But He Did. 

        God is so faithful and just when I think I can't fall anymore in love with Him, He comes in and saves the day and I love Him even more then I ever thought possible.  I still need to raise about $5000 more for Japan, but I have full confidence in the Lord that it will come in somehow. He sent me here for a reason, I KNOW He isn't going to let me down. I can't wait to see just HOW He does it :)

         I want to thank everyone of you for all your support, I honestly can't do this without you! And to my amazing Japan Team, if any of you ever see this, you all are the most amazingly giving and beautiful souls I have ever been blessed to know, and I can't wait to go out on this adventure with you♥

So there you all have it, a true miracle of God. He's a pretty awesome Father, right? 

Volcanoes, Flowers & Poop.

        Don't worry, this post has nothing to do with any of those things in the literal sense. Today we got to do Community Outreach, which is where a small team of us head out and serve our community in different ways. Our team gets to work with kids at the local elementary school, and it is just too fun. Kateland and I got to help out in a Drama/Art class of about 22 for kindergardeners and first graders. I know, right? It was a blast. I can honestly say I had forgotten just how funny the word "Poop" is to little boys. Apparently "poop" is a very interchangeable word and can be used as an observation, insult, punchline, or just to spice up conversation. I mean really you guys, this is groundbreaking stuff.
        Seeing the difference between the boys and the girls was too funny. Kateland's table of little girls drew these beautiful flowers and rainbows and stayed on the paper. My table of 5 boys instantly attacked the giant paper.. I imagined it was similar to something you'd see on Animal Planet, when the monkeys are all fighting for food. They instantly began to paint this massive volcano that was errupting and spewing fire everywhere. Everything had to burn in this picture apparently. There was tidal waves and surfers and trees and a few unidentified scribbles.. all on fire. Then they started stabbing the paper with brushes and when I asked them if that was rain, the kindergardener responded, "ITS RAINING POOOOOPPPPP!" and practically collapsed in a fit of giggles.
         Even though the boys and girls are so different, they all wanted the same thing; to be told how wonderful they are. They would all show us, "Look what I did! I painted that! What do you think of my flower?" and they all wanted to hear how amazing they are. And they honestly are! These kids are so bright and talented (..minus the whole burning everything and fecal shower thing) and its sad to think they aren't told that enough.

I already adore these little boogers to no end, and took a picture of their paintings to show you all because I love them that much. 

{Shoot, I am in so much trouble when I'm a mom.}

{My boys' Poop & Lava Volcano is on the far Right.}

Sunday Family Love

Every sunday since I moved to Kona, I've received this "Countdown till Sunday Dinner" text from my Grandma. Sunday Dinners have been weekly a family ritual since I was little. Now THIS, my friends, is Family LOVE.

Jesus Cares About Cookies

          Yes. You read that correctly, JESUS cares about COOKIES. Let me explain. Yesterday we had the incredible Heidi Baker teaching us (if you don't know who she is.. Google her. No, seriously, Google her). She was telling us about how Jesus cares about even the little things that matter to us, even things as little as cookies. The "cookies" in our lives if you will. You know, those things we love but aren't exactly super important.
          Well, a few weeks ago, I started having dreams about my mom coming to Kona to visit. I called and told her and she just laughed it off, "I'll call you when I win the Lottery." I had another dream a few nights later, and in the dream I saw her plane ticket and knew it was for $500. It was so real I was actually confused whether she was really here or not. I called and told her about it, and she said there's no way. She couldn't get the time off work and she had just paid MORE than the cost of the ticket in medical and other bills. But I knew, I just knew she was coming. One way or another Jesus was going to get her here. I texted her just last night telling her how much I missed her, and how I was still praying and contending for her to come. I told her, "I know it. I've seen it in my dreams! Someone is going to put $500 in your account and you're coming! I miss you so much! I'm still praying, I KNOW Jesus is going to come through!"
           Fast forward to this morning. We were told that we need a $1,000 deposit for Outreaches, so that we could book the airline tickets far enough out in advance and get a discount for doing so. Now, I still have an outstanding balance of $1,968 on my tuition, and I can't pay the $1,000 deposit before clearing that balance. So, I'm looking at about $3,000... by tomorrow. A lot of you guys saw my post about needing a miracle, and I meant it. I need a financial MIRACLE. I'll be honest, and I hate admitting this, but I was so overwhelmed I burst into tears. Some family members are proud of what I'm doing, but they're scared and are telling me it may be better if I come home. So here I was sitting on this hill that overlooks Kona, just crying over not being able to do this. "I can't get that kind of money together. What am I going to do?" Well, a man sat down next to me, and began to pray and cry with me. After a while, once I could actually breathe, I felt better. I completely surrendered to God, I mean at this point, what choice do I have OTHER than trusting Him? I checked my phone and saw a missed call from my mom. She told me my grandparents (who live in Kona) wanted to meet me for lunch. I walked down to this restaurant, and saw them waiting for me. I walked in..



..and my mom stood up from the table.


         I could not believe it. She's HERE! My mom!! She hugged me and told me that my grandparents (completely out of the blue) paid for her ticket to come. She said her ticket was for exactly $499. If there was ever a day I needed my mother, today was it. Was I handed $3,000? No. But Jesus saw my heart break, and just knew. He blessed me with the most incredible miracle. He really does care about the little things that we care about too, whether it's something as small as cookies or as big as flying my mom 3,000 miles to see me on a day when I needed her more than ever. He's incredible.

(Yay, for iPhone pictures)

I guess Jesus really DOES care about the cookies.

So.. I need your help.

          Wow, okay. Long time no.. blog? I must have blinked or something, because so much time has flown by. I know I haven't been updating as much as I'd like to be, but I swear its because we are learning, processing, and journaling it all down so fast, I honestly think I've been writing it down here.. when really it never left my journal.
           This post is a combination of an update and a prayer. If you've been following my blog, or have talked to me over the last few months.. you know what I'm doing here. DTS is absolutely incredible. Everyday my life is becoming more and more Divinely Refined (see what I did there? With the blog title? Yeahh..) and radically changing in ways I never thought possible. So many of you have been generous enough to help me along in this journey. Whether it was through prayer, words of encouragement, or financial support.. I would not have made it this far if it wasn't for you. I struggled (and am still struggling to be honest) with asking friends and family for financial support. I've always had a job and been able to provide basic things I needed for myself (gas money, clothes, food, car payments, insurance.. etc.) So when God told me to come to YWAM and sign up to do a 6 month DTS that would cost around $10,000.. that's 6 months with no income.. I didn't know how to respond to that. "I don't have 10k, God. I mean.. what?! You want me to do what?!" But I came to DTS anyway.. and I have not had a single moment where I felt I made the wrong decision. On complete faith and with almost nothing in my bank account at some points, I got on a plane and came here on the word of the Lord.
             This last Friday, our school was gathered in the Ohana Court for class when our school leader made an announcement regarding tuition and Outreach fees. He told us that most likely next week they want everyone to put $1,000 down toward Outreach so they would be able to book the tickets sooner and save everyone about $400. And if we didn't have all of our lecture fees in yet, they'd try to work with us.. but we may be asked to leave the base. Do I think they'll actually ask me to leave? I don't know.. but what I do know is that I am $1,968.17 short of having my Lecture Phase balance paid. Our outreach is going to cost between $4,000-6,000, and I am left looking up at the ceiling of the Ohana Court asking God, "So, uhh.. What am I going to do?!"  So this is where I'm asking for your help. If you happen to read this and want to help, that would be so unbelievable. Even if it's just $1.00 so I can do laundry, I would be so grateful. I have a link to my PayPal account on the top right hand corner of my blog (its the yellow button that says DONATE).
             I'm believing for a miracle you guys, and I can't wait to tell you all how God provides for this one. Honestly, I can't wait to see how He provides for this one. But I felt like I should just throw this out there, and see what happens. However this may turn out.. I know His Will be done. Thank you all so much for your love and support! I honestly could not do this without you!

"Faith is taking the first step, even if you don't see the whole staircase"

Insanity, Week ONE.

           I'm not sure how to explain this.. I want to say "It's only the first week.." But I look at all that has happened and how much God has done and I want to say "Its only been a week!" God has done so much in everyone, myself included, I can't believe its only been 5 days of class. Our staff can't believe it either. We found out or outreaches on Day 2. That doesn't happen, ever.
          God has been showing me so much this week, my brain is honestly mush. Before I left for Kona I was going through a lot of personal struggles, struggles that I may or may not end up sharing, and I really felt God telling me, "Alright, I see what you're doing. And I still love you.. just know that when you get to Kona, I'm going to level you."  And level me He has. Like, bulldozer over everything and then some. So many things brought to light all at once, I kind of couldn't process it all. I'm still processing through most of it, and honestly some things have been harder then others. Some things I've been able to give up to God and repent for, and other things I have felt like I need to beat myself up over before I can bring them to God. I have felt as though certain things were so terrible, I needed to rake myself over the coals and really sit in the realization of how awful I was before I could be forgiven. But that's where God stepped in and told me, "You are already forgiven. You have already been made clean. I see your sin, and I love you anyway. You weren't created to feel this way and be continually held down by what has happened, but you were meant to be free from this. Jesus didn't die on the cross for YOU so that you could hold on to your sin, no. Your sin died at the cross with Him." 
            Seriously? Had to peel my face off the floor after that one. The realization that God is the most magnificent, understanding and grace-filled father has just rocked me. Totally and completely rocked me. I've always thought that I had to act this way and pray that way, and be all these things on this list of How to be a Good Christian in order to be a good woman of God.. but I was so wrong. I was projecting RELIGION on to GOD. Yes, there's a difference. Watch this;

I know a lot of you keep seeing this video popping up on Facebook, but of you haven't seen it you should watch it. And if seeing the thumbnail offends you (as I have heard from a handful of individuals) well, I'm sorry. Actually, no I'm not.  It's a good video and it's true.
           So that's been my week in a nutshell. A very small, I-can't-really-explain-it-all-because-its-SO-GOOD nutshell. Finding out I'm going to Japan, the bringing to light of so many heavy sins, repenting for them all, realizing the Grace He has for me, and trying to wrap my head around how much he loves me.. yeah I'd say that's a pretty solid week. Now, I have 50 chapters of Genesis to read, a journal (thats assigned) to complete, and a book (PURE HEART by Tom & Donna Cole. Its seriously incredible) to finish. By Monday.
And you all thought I was on vacation. Pssssshh.

Outreach Announcement! Ta-Da!

          So, almost 6 months ago I was in Kona, Hawaii for a 5 week school called Circuit Riders. During week two, I had a pretty intense dream during a nap (who dreams during naps? I mean honestly..) that has been changing my life. 

          In this dream, I was arriving in Kona once again. After arriving, the dream quickly shifted and I was in an elevator with my two amazing friends Grace and Jacob, who were holding hands. Grace said something to me, then the elevator somehow.. detached and it was flying over cities, oceans, and clouds (Very Dr. Who-ish, right?). Imagine what it'd be like to hanging out of the bottom of an airplane, and that's what it was like. Easily one of the most profoundly vivid dreams I've ever had. I eventually landed at the YWAM base in Japan. I woke up and wrote it down because, well at the time it made NO sense, but I knew when I have dreams that vivid it will make sense sooner or later. 

          Fast forward 3 weeks to the last day of Circuit Riders. Our speaker was talking about how God will reveal the next step in our journey through dreams of destiny. As soon as he said that, I felt God telling me to go back through my journal that I was currently covering in doodles. So I kept flipping until I saw that dream I had weeks before. I read it, and didn't understand it. "Read it again," God told me. I still didn't understand, I mean, flying elevator? Really, God? Am I Willy Wonka? As I sat in my lostness, my roommates Bekki and Grace leaned over and God spoke his plan for my life through them both. "You were arriving in Kona.. then you flew to Japan? That sounds like a DTS. You're supposed to do a DTS!" What they didn't know was that I had applied for Fire & Fragrance DTS last January.. but didn't follow through with it because the timing didn't feel right. And the girl who pieced this together for me, was Grace, the very girl I saw in the elevator in my dream. She was also staffing the upcoming Fire & Fragrance DTS, and so was Jacob.. the boy with her in the elevator. (Grace & Jacob are now dating by the way, and are probably the cutest couple I've ever seen. Seriously, its adorable.)  After class had ended, I walked up to our amazing school leader Andy Byrd and asked him if the upcoming Fire & Fragrance DTS had outreaches to Japan. He said yes, they were praying about it. I could not even wrap my head around this. God had told revealed my next step. 

           So fast forward to Tuesday afternoon. Following the word of God, I laid down everything and was sitting in the Ohana court with the rest of my FIre & Fragrance family, practically having a heart attack (with everyone else) waiting for our staff to write the names of our outreach locations on the giant white board. "What if Japan isn't a place they chose afterall? Then what?"  Taylor told us we would be handed slips of paper, and we were to write our names along with our top two choices for out reaches on them. We had 10 minutes to pray over each location. The list of our outreaches went up, and the first one to be written down was Japan. I may or may not have almost cried in that moment. We broke up to pray over our locations, which you think would be a huge decision.. but no one took the full 10 minutes. God spoke, and we listened. The staff had to pray over each choice, and said it may take them until the end of the week unless a miracle happened. 

            The next morning, they told us that miracle happened.. they would be announcing teams that afternoon. Sitting of the floor of the Ohana court with everyone, the excitement and anxiousness was seriously electrifying. One by one they called up locations and announced the teams. They began calling the team that would go to Iraq, which I had written down as my second choice (No one tells my dad or he'll fly over here and drag me home), and in that instant I knew I didn't want to be called. I wanted to go to Japan and walk out the word I had from the Lord. I laid down everything, committed 6 months of my life and returned to Kona like He told me GOING ON FAITH that I would end up in Japan.. I couldn't go to Turkey, I just couldn't. They finished the list for Iraq, and called Japan. My name was called, and I got to stand and look into the faces of the rest of my Outreach Family. FINALLY!

            Finally knowing that I am officially going to Japan was the biggest encouragement and confirmation I could have ever recieved. To look at that dream in my journal and know that I am walking it out. That the Lord placed a calling on my life, and is walking it out with me. Knowing that I heard Him right was just unbelievable. I'm seriously undone by how unfathomably  g o o d  He is. Like, honestly. Blowing my mind.  So, there you have it all. In a few months, I'll be moving to and traveling around Japan for 3 months. Thank you all for your prayers and support! It was your encouragement and support and prayers that gave me that (often needed) extra push forward. 

If you'd like to help me get to Japan, as this is going to cost me a few thousand dollars and I don't benefit financially from what I'm doing, click the DONATE button at the top of the page (its right below my Bio). 

T H A N K  Y O U  A L L  S O  M U C H!

The Fire & The Fragrance Begins

         Well, hello there. I wrote out a whole timeline from the day I left, and arriving and everything. It was full of heart, wit, some tears, and I hit save.. then publish, and my computer decided to do none of these things. Insert composed sigh of frustration here. I'm not saying I almost punched my macbook in the screen upon discovering that it deleted that ENTIRE DAY OF WRITING.. but I'm not prepared to say I didn't either. But since I know my mother is reading this, we'll go with I didn't. So, I guess I'll just have to fill you all in on everything. Ready, Go.
          Flying was about as fun and sleep deprived as we all know it to be. Arriving was a chaotic blur of hugs, paperwork, more hugs, meeting new faces, and more hugs. I forgot how much I missed Kona, and how fragrant the air is. For those of you who have never been.. tape a Plumeria to your face, and that's what the air smells like here. After falling into a brief coma (because I was too exhausted for just regular sleep) our day started at 6:30 am the next morning.  Our days here are pretty full to begin with, and our Curriculum is going to be consuming, but I'm stoked about it. Click on these Curriculum and Schedule links to see what our next 11 weeks are going to look like.
           We had Orientation on Friday, and it was amazing. I know, Orientation and Amazing in the same sentence? One of our incredible school leaders, Andy Byrd, is so on fire for God it's absolutely contagious. I hadn't realized how long it had been since I had really heard God's voice clearly. That's when it hit me.. All this time I thought this homecoming was about coming home to Kona, but I was wrong. The joyful homecoming wasn't found in the place, but rather the Man. I missed being able to just sit and hear God's voice, to feel his heart. I missed the fire that ignites under my skin when we worship and pray and the community that becomes family. But most of all, I missed how whether you were in the middle of a crowd that's worshipping with reckless abandon, or sitting in a hammock by yourself under a banyan tree, God's presence is constant. Sitting in orientation that morning, God told me He's going to grow me in this season, and I cannot wait. A season of just my Savior and myself in one of the most beautiful places on Earth? A place He has called me to, that I now call my home? Does it get much better than that? No, I don't believe it does.
            Even though I am THRILLED I get to spend this next season with Him and Him alone, I do get to share it with some pretty incredible people. I have the most wonderful roommates, unbelievable staff, and I'm pretty much in love with my Fire & Fragrance Family. Last night, our Staff put on a Circus for our school! Complete with face painting, prayer tents, ring toss, Photo booth, cotton candy & burgers, a pie eating contest and soo much more. There's pictures posted in an album on Facebook, you should check 'em out. It was a BLAST! I cannot wait to see what else God has in store for our school this quarter.
{Circus Sneak Peek:}