Sunday Family Love

Every sunday since I moved to Kona, I've received this "Countdown till Sunday Dinner" text from my Grandma. Sunday Dinners have been weekly a family ritual since I was little. Now THIS, my friends, is Family LOVE.

Jesus Cares About Cookies

          Yes. You read that correctly, JESUS cares about COOKIES. Let me explain. Yesterday we had the incredible Heidi Baker teaching us (if you don't know who she is.. Google her. No, seriously, Google her). She was telling us about how Jesus cares about even the little things that matter to us, even things as little as cookies. The "cookies" in our lives if you will. You know, those things we love but aren't exactly super important.
          Well, a few weeks ago, I started having dreams about my mom coming to Kona to visit. I called and told her and she just laughed it off, "I'll call you when I win the Lottery." I had another dream a few nights later, and in the dream I saw her plane ticket and knew it was for $500. It was so real I was actually confused whether she was really here or not. I called and told her about it, and she said there's no way. She couldn't get the time off work and she had just paid MORE than the cost of the ticket in medical and other bills. But I knew, I just knew she was coming. One way or another Jesus was going to get her here. I texted her just last night telling her how much I missed her, and how I was still praying and contending for her to come. I told her, "I know it. I've seen it in my dreams! Someone is going to put $500 in your account and you're coming! I miss you so much! I'm still praying, I KNOW Jesus is going to come through!"
           Fast forward to this morning. We were told that we need a $1,000 deposit for Outreaches, so that we could book the airline tickets far enough out in advance and get a discount for doing so. Now, I still have an outstanding balance of $1,968 on my tuition, and I can't pay the $1,000 deposit before clearing that balance. So, I'm looking at about $3,000... by tomorrow. A lot of you guys saw my post about needing a miracle, and I meant it. I need a financial MIRACLE. I'll be honest, and I hate admitting this, but I was so overwhelmed I burst into tears. Some family members are proud of what I'm doing, but they're scared and are telling me it may be better if I come home. So here I was sitting on this hill that overlooks Kona, just crying over not being able to do this. "I can't get that kind of money together. What am I going to do?" Well, a man sat down next to me, and began to pray and cry with me. After a while, once I could actually breathe, I felt better. I completely surrendered to God, I mean at this point, what choice do I have OTHER than trusting Him? I checked my phone and saw a missed call from my mom. She told me my grandparents (who live in Kona) wanted to meet me for lunch. I walked down to this restaurant, and saw them waiting for me. I walked in..



..and my mom stood up from the table.


         I could not believe it. She's HERE! My mom!! She hugged me and told me that my grandparents (completely out of the blue) paid for her ticket to come. She said her ticket was for exactly $499. If there was ever a day I needed my mother, today was it. Was I handed $3,000? No. But Jesus saw my heart break, and just knew. He blessed me with the most incredible miracle. He really does care about the little things that we care about too, whether it's something as small as cookies or as big as flying my mom 3,000 miles to see me on a day when I needed her more than ever. He's incredible.

(Yay, for iPhone pictures)

I guess Jesus really DOES care about the cookies.

So.. I need your help.

          Wow, okay. Long time no.. blog? I must have blinked or something, because so much time has flown by. I know I haven't been updating as much as I'd like to be, but I swear its because we are learning, processing, and journaling it all down so fast, I honestly think I've been writing it down here.. when really it never left my journal.
           This post is a combination of an update and a prayer. If you've been following my blog, or have talked to me over the last few months.. you know what I'm doing here. DTS is absolutely incredible. Everyday my life is becoming more and more Divinely Refined (see what I did there? With the blog title? Yeahh..) and radically changing in ways I never thought possible. So many of you have been generous enough to help me along in this journey. Whether it was through prayer, words of encouragement, or financial support.. I would not have made it this far if it wasn't for you. I struggled (and am still struggling to be honest) with asking friends and family for financial support. I've always had a job and been able to provide basic things I needed for myself (gas money, clothes, food, car payments, insurance.. etc.) So when God told me to come to YWAM and sign up to do a 6 month DTS that would cost around $10,000.. that's 6 months with no income.. I didn't know how to respond to that. "I don't have 10k, God. I mean.. what?! You want me to do what?!" But I came to DTS anyway.. and I have not had a single moment where I felt I made the wrong decision. On complete faith and with almost nothing in my bank account at some points, I got on a plane and came here on the word of the Lord.
             This last Friday, our school was gathered in the Ohana Court for class when our school leader made an announcement regarding tuition and Outreach fees. He told us that most likely next week they want everyone to put $1,000 down toward Outreach so they would be able to book the tickets sooner and save everyone about $400. And if we didn't have all of our lecture fees in yet, they'd try to work with us.. but we may be asked to leave the base. Do I think they'll actually ask me to leave? I don't know.. but what I do know is that I am $1,968.17 short of having my Lecture Phase balance paid. Our outreach is going to cost between $4,000-6,000, and I am left looking up at the ceiling of the Ohana Court asking God, "So, uhh.. What am I going to do?!"  So this is where I'm asking for your help. If you happen to read this and want to help, that would be so unbelievable. Even if it's just $1.00 so I can do laundry, I would be so grateful. I have a link to my PayPal account on the top right hand corner of my blog (its the yellow button that says DONATE).
             I'm believing for a miracle you guys, and I can't wait to tell you all how God provides for this one. Honestly, I can't wait to see how He provides for this one. But I felt like I should just throw this out there, and see what happens. However this may turn out.. I know His Will be done. Thank you all so much for your love and support! I honestly could not do this without you!

"Faith is taking the first step, even if you don't see the whole staircase"

Insanity, Week ONE.

           I'm not sure how to explain this.. I want to say "It's only the first week.." But I look at all that has happened and how much God has done and I want to say "Its only been a week!" God has done so much in everyone, myself included, I can't believe its only been 5 days of class. Our staff can't believe it either. We found out or outreaches on Day 2. That doesn't happen, ever.
          God has been showing me so much this week, my brain is honestly mush. Before I left for Kona I was going through a lot of personal struggles, struggles that I may or may not end up sharing, and I really felt God telling me, "Alright, I see what you're doing. And I still love you.. just know that when you get to Kona, I'm going to level you."  And level me He has. Like, bulldozer over everything and then some. So many things brought to light all at once, I kind of couldn't process it all. I'm still processing through most of it, and honestly some things have been harder then others. Some things I've been able to give up to God and repent for, and other things I have felt like I need to beat myself up over before I can bring them to God. I have felt as though certain things were so terrible, I needed to rake myself over the coals and really sit in the realization of how awful I was before I could be forgiven. But that's where God stepped in and told me, "You are already forgiven. You have already been made clean. I see your sin, and I love you anyway. You weren't created to feel this way and be continually held down by what has happened, but you were meant to be free from this. Jesus didn't die on the cross for YOU so that you could hold on to your sin, no. Your sin died at the cross with Him." 
            Seriously? Had to peel my face off the floor after that one. The realization that God is the most magnificent, understanding and grace-filled father has just rocked me. Totally and completely rocked me. I've always thought that I had to act this way and pray that way, and be all these things on this list of How to be a Good Christian in order to be a good woman of God.. but I was so wrong. I was projecting RELIGION on to GOD. Yes, there's a difference. Watch this;

I know a lot of you keep seeing this video popping up on Facebook, but of you haven't seen it you should watch it. And if seeing the thumbnail offends you (as I have heard from a handful of individuals) well, I'm sorry. Actually, no I'm not.  It's a good video and it's true.
           So that's been my week in a nutshell. A very small, I-can't-really-explain-it-all-because-its-SO-GOOD nutshell. Finding out I'm going to Japan, the bringing to light of so many heavy sins, repenting for them all, realizing the Grace He has for me, and trying to wrap my head around how much he loves me.. yeah I'd say that's a pretty solid week. Now, I have 50 chapters of Genesis to read, a journal (thats assigned) to complete, and a book (PURE HEART by Tom & Donna Cole. Its seriously incredible) to finish. By Monday.
And you all thought I was on vacation. Pssssshh.

Outreach Announcement! Ta-Da!

          So, almost 6 months ago I was in Kona, Hawaii for a 5 week school called Circuit Riders. During week two, I had a pretty intense dream during a nap (who dreams during naps? I mean honestly..) that has been changing my life. 

          In this dream, I was arriving in Kona once again. After arriving, the dream quickly shifted and I was in an elevator with my two amazing friends Grace and Jacob, who were holding hands. Grace said something to me, then the elevator somehow.. detached and it was flying over cities, oceans, and clouds (Very Dr. Who-ish, right?). Imagine what it'd be like to hanging out of the bottom of an airplane, and that's what it was like. Easily one of the most profoundly vivid dreams I've ever had. I eventually landed at the YWAM base in Japan. I woke up and wrote it down because, well at the time it made NO sense, but I knew when I have dreams that vivid it will make sense sooner or later. 

          Fast forward 3 weeks to the last day of Circuit Riders. Our speaker was talking about how God will reveal the next step in our journey through dreams of destiny. As soon as he said that, I felt God telling me to go back through my journal that I was currently covering in doodles. So I kept flipping until I saw that dream I had weeks before. I read it, and didn't understand it. "Read it again," God told me. I still didn't understand, I mean, flying elevator? Really, God? Am I Willy Wonka? As I sat in my lostness, my roommates Bekki and Grace leaned over and God spoke his plan for my life through them both. "You were arriving in Kona.. then you flew to Japan? That sounds like a DTS. You're supposed to do a DTS!" What they didn't know was that I had applied for Fire & Fragrance DTS last January.. but didn't follow through with it because the timing didn't feel right. And the girl who pieced this together for me, was Grace, the very girl I saw in the elevator in my dream. She was also staffing the upcoming Fire & Fragrance DTS, and so was Jacob.. the boy with her in the elevator. (Grace & Jacob are now dating by the way, and are probably the cutest couple I've ever seen. Seriously, its adorable.)  After class had ended, I walked up to our amazing school leader Andy Byrd and asked him if the upcoming Fire & Fragrance DTS had outreaches to Japan. He said yes, they were praying about it. I could not even wrap my head around this. God had told revealed my next step. 

           So fast forward to Tuesday afternoon. Following the word of God, I laid down everything and was sitting in the Ohana court with the rest of my FIre & Fragrance family, practically having a heart attack (with everyone else) waiting for our staff to write the names of our outreach locations on the giant white board. "What if Japan isn't a place they chose afterall? Then what?"  Taylor told us we would be handed slips of paper, and we were to write our names along with our top two choices for out reaches on them. We had 10 minutes to pray over each location. The list of our outreaches went up, and the first one to be written down was Japan. I may or may not have almost cried in that moment. We broke up to pray over our locations, which you think would be a huge decision.. but no one took the full 10 minutes. God spoke, and we listened. The staff had to pray over each choice, and said it may take them until the end of the week unless a miracle happened. 

            The next morning, they told us that miracle happened.. they would be announcing teams that afternoon. Sitting of the floor of the Ohana court with everyone, the excitement and anxiousness was seriously electrifying. One by one they called up locations and announced the teams. They began calling the team that would go to Iraq, which I had written down as my second choice (No one tells my dad or he'll fly over here and drag me home), and in that instant I knew I didn't want to be called. I wanted to go to Japan and walk out the word I had from the Lord. I laid down everything, committed 6 months of my life and returned to Kona like He told me GOING ON FAITH that I would end up in Japan.. I couldn't go to Turkey, I just couldn't. They finished the list for Iraq, and called Japan. My name was called, and I got to stand and look into the faces of the rest of my Outreach Family. FINALLY!

            Finally knowing that I am officially going to Japan was the biggest encouragement and confirmation I could have ever recieved. To look at that dream in my journal and know that I am walking it out. That the Lord placed a calling on my life, and is walking it out with me. Knowing that I heard Him right was just unbelievable. I'm seriously undone by how unfathomably  g o o d  He is. Like, honestly. Blowing my mind.  So, there you have it all. In a few months, I'll be moving to and traveling around Japan for 3 months. Thank you all for your prayers and support! It was your encouragement and support and prayers that gave me that (often needed) extra push forward. 

If you'd like to help me get to Japan, as this is going to cost me a few thousand dollars and I don't benefit financially from what I'm doing, click the DONATE button at the top of the page (its right below my Bio). 

T H A N K  Y O U  A L L  S O  M U C H!

The Fire & The Fragrance Begins

         Well, hello there. I wrote out a whole timeline from the day I left, and arriving and everything. It was full of heart, wit, some tears, and I hit save.. then publish, and my computer decided to do none of these things. Insert composed sigh of frustration here. I'm not saying I almost punched my macbook in the screen upon discovering that it deleted that ENTIRE DAY OF WRITING.. but I'm not prepared to say I didn't either. But since I know my mother is reading this, we'll go with I didn't. So, I guess I'll just have to fill you all in on everything. Ready, Go.
          Flying was about as fun and sleep deprived as we all know it to be. Arriving was a chaotic blur of hugs, paperwork, more hugs, meeting new faces, and more hugs. I forgot how much I missed Kona, and how fragrant the air is. For those of you who have never been.. tape a Plumeria to your face, and that's what the air smells like here. After falling into a brief coma (because I was too exhausted for just regular sleep) our day started at 6:30 am the next morning.  Our days here are pretty full to begin with, and our Curriculum is going to be consuming, but I'm stoked about it. Click on these Curriculum and Schedule links to see what our next 11 weeks are going to look like.
           We had Orientation on Friday, and it was amazing. I know, Orientation and Amazing in the same sentence? One of our incredible school leaders, Andy Byrd, is so on fire for God it's absolutely contagious. I hadn't realized how long it had been since I had really heard God's voice clearly. That's when it hit me.. All this time I thought this homecoming was about coming home to Kona, but I was wrong. The joyful homecoming wasn't found in the place, but rather the Man. I missed being able to just sit and hear God's voice, to feel his heart. I missed the fire that ignites under my skin when we worship and pray and the community that becomes family. But most of all, I missed how whether you were in the middle of a crowd that's worshipping with reckless abandon, or sitting in a hammock by yourself under a banyan tree, God's presence is constant. Sitting in orientation that morning, God told me He's going to grow me in this season, and I cannot wait. A season of just my Savior and myself in one of the most beautiful places on Earth? A place He has called me to, that I now call my home? Does it get much better than that? No, I don't believe it does.
            Even though I am THRILLED I get to spend this next season with Him and Him alone, I do get to share it with some pretty incredible people. I have the most wonderful roommates, unbelievable staff, and I'm pretty much in love with my Fire & Fragrance Family. Last night, our Staff put on a Circus for our school! Complete with face painting, prayer tents, ring toss, Photo booth, cotton candy & burgers, a pie eating contest and soo much more. There's pictures posted in an album on Facebook, you should check 'em out. It was a BLAST! I cannot wait to see what else God has in store for our school this quarter.
{Circus Sneak Peek:}