It Never Seems To Get Any Easier

           There were days, I'm pretty sure, when we were young and invincible. When we we couldn't wait to grow up and futures held the promise of shiny new possibilities. Nothing could hurt us, hold us, or stop us. But I wasn't prepared for the realization of just how vulnerable we really are. We grow up and meet those shiny futures, true. But growing doesn't come easily. We realize that our safety nets are slowly growing smaller and smaller, the paths we set for ourselves become narrower and narrower. Suddenly "house" isn't just a pretend game anymore, and the "bag guys" become real. There is no time outs or do overs.  I had always been told life wasn't going to be easy, and to not be in such a rush to grow up.. but I always thought as long as I had family and friends, we'd all be fine. No one told me that sometimes, life takes you out at the knees and takes a family member or friend too.
             Standing in the back of O'Connor Mortuary this morning, an old, fuzzy memory slid into focus. I was maybe 8, and sitting in the back seat of a car with my friend Jaz. She was talking about a friend she had who passed away over summer. I didn't understand what she was talking about, so I asked where she went. "She died of cancer," she told me. Jaz stared out the window and we both sat in silence. I couldn't grasp this concept,
            " That can't be right, friends don't die. Friends aren't supposed to die."   
I didn't know then, that I would lose a friend I had known since I was born almost 6 years later. I didn't know I would continue to lose 8 more friends over the coming years. I didn't think that 13 years from that afternoon in the backseat with Jaz, I would be in attendance at my friend Brett's funeral. The older we get, the stronger we become.. and we all understand that death is a part of life, but losing friends never seems to get any easier.
              I met Brett freshman year of High School. We weren't the closest, but we were friends all the same. I don't think I have a single memory of him that he isn't smiling in, and thats the way its going to stay. Its the memories I have of him cracking everyone up in class and cheering him on during football games. Pep rallies, dances, graduation. The talks we had in random tutorials or the simple "Hey!" in the hallways. The hilarious, athletic, brilliant guy who's heart of gold and handsome smile won't ever be forgotten. Brett touched so many hearts, maybe without even realizing, that there was only a little standing room at his funeral today. The whole building filled with prayers, hugs and tears, friends and family.. everyone with their own story or memory. You've touched so many lives Brett, mine included.
                I still can't believe you aren't here with us, but you've been lead in by angels and are now with Jesus, watching over us. Rest in peace Brett, we'll see you in Heaven ♥

Rest In Peace Brett Alan Weiner

January 30, 1990 - December 23, 2011

Waking up to my Hitler Cat really completed my Christmas Morning.

Merry Christmas Everyone

CHRISTmas

            I don't know if you guys have noticed, but its December 23rd. Christmas Eve is TOMORROW. Who else isn't done with their shopping? I know I'm not. I'm about to take the younger brosef to finish up shopping. I don't know about you all, but this last week or so, I've just had it with this whole time of year. Its stressful with trying to Christmas shop on a budget and without punching the pushy lady in line behind you, obnoxious and crazy family gatherings, and who knows what else.. and I know we've all heard this before, but we seriously are missing the point of Christmas. If you need a reminder (which I have been needing from time to time), its right there in the name, Christmas. Its about rejoicing the birth of our Savior. 

    {I'm tired of seeing more Facebook statuses praising Tim                 Tebow instead of Jesus.} 

             It really hit me that we have more to be grateful for then most people in the world, yet all we do is complain about trivial stuff. I'm beginning to think that Facebook should change the status question from, "What's on your mind?" to "What's your problem today?"  I mean, I complain on Facebook too.. or mostly just go on sarcastic mini-rants.. so I'm talking to myself too when I say;

            Stop being a Grinch and grin a little. Hug your family, love your friends, be kind to a stranger. Give Back. Celebrate our wonderful Savior who is the CHRIST in CHRISTmas. And if you can't manage these things, then shovel some Christmas cookies and let the rest of us rejoice in peace.          

                                                                      It's Christmas time. 

                                                                                    Let's Be Grateful and Get Joyful.

I Have Some Explainin' To Do

I know I promised a serious post about WHY I started this blog in the first place, so.. here you go. I'll try not to ramble. Ready? Okay, go.
              In 16 days, I leave on an adventure that will inevitably change my life. Some of you know about my upcoming Discipleship Training School (or, DTS). If you have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm headed to Kona, Hawaii to do this incredible Christian Missional School called Fire & Fragrance. I'll be studying in Kona for about 3 months, give or take. I know my school is in Kona, Hawaii.. but it really is school. I did a shortened version of this school last summer and it was the most emotionally, physically & spiritually draining and enriching experience of my life (until this school, of course). Once our "Lecture Phase" is completed, we pack our bags and set out in teams to the mission field we feel God calling us to around the world, on "Outreach". Some may go to Mozambique, Africa.. some to the India, some to Japan.
               Long story short, this school is going to be over 100 students and missionaries laying down our lives completely to pick up the calling God has set before us. Abandoning everything to run with everything after and along side Christ. To love the forgotten, bring hope to the hopeless and shine the Light of Christ on those lost in the dark. We'll do this for 3 more months before returning home.
So now that we're all caught up, I can go on.
               I decided to do Fire & Fragrance DTS last summer, and have been petrified and excited ever since. I'll be totally honest with you (thats kind of the point of this blog, right?) Its all starting to hit me in an overwhelming tidal wave of, "Oh my God, how am I going to do this?"  My family isn't exactly thrilled with my decision to go on a 6 month mission.  They'd much rather see me stay here, finish school, get my degree, keep my job, and once I've saved up the $10,000 I need (..yes, this is going to cost $10,000) then go off and have my "college vacation" as they call it. They all have valid points and their way is probably the most logical and responsible thing for me to do.. and I just want to make them proud you know? So, how do I tell them this is something I know God is calling me to, and He will take care of everything? Especially with very little money saved up for tuition and outreach. Keep in mind, I don't benefit financially from doing this and this is not through a church. Plus, I feel weird asking people for financial support! I've always been able to pay for things myself.. but THIS.. this is a new, humbling experience. Not that I'm prideful, I just don't want to be a burden on anyone. But the bottom line is that I need around $10,000, and whether I like it or not, I need help. I'll do the possible, and let God do the impossible. He seems to be much better at that than I am.
               With that being said, if anyone who happens to stumble across this would like to help me out, that would be INCREDIBLE and IMMENSELY APPRECIATED! I'm going to try and get my PayPal account up here.. somehow. I'm sort of blog/fundraising/PayPal illiterate. But I have faith that God will provide through the kind hearts of others, and His Will will get me there and back!I'm just excited to see HOW He does it.
              Its a trip to try and wrap my head around, you know? All that I have in front of me at the moment; bed, laptop, cat (that happens to have a legit Hitler 'stache... no really) and realizing in 16 days, I will be without them for 6 months. (My cat may have a nervous break down. Seriously, I'm a little concerned). In 16 days, I'm saying goodbye to friends and my family for 6 months. 27 weeks. BUT, in 16 days.. I get to see old friends from last summer and meet my new family of over 100, and I am so excited its stupid. These people, are some downright beautiful souls.
               Alright, this is a little longer than I intended, but it was the "explaining what I'm doing" post. We all knew this wasn't going to be short. And now that I realize just HOW LONG this has taken me to write, I'm aware that I am late for Bible study. Sigh. That sounds about right. How does this happen every week? How?! Meh, I'm hopeless. Sweet, well time to go see my favorite man! ....No, I mean Jesus.

All Of The Other Reindeer..

            I started this blog so that I could keep everyone up to date on what's going on with my upcoming missions trip. And I will get serious and blog about that.. I swear. But there is a current issue has been popping up all over, and I feel it is one that needs to be addressed.
           People everywhere seem to be under the misguided impression that because it is Christmas time, it is appropriate to dress their cars up as Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer with these ridiculous antlers and red noses. I mean, I hate to be the bear of bad news.. but your car is NOT, in fact, a reindeer. I know your car is dressed for the part, but it is in fact NOT going to be saving Christmas or guiding Santa's sleigh. But all of the other reindeer will probably laugh and call it names. Quite frankly, I would too.

Awkward Introductions

Woah, first post. I'm not good at first impressions, and am completely blog-illiterate. So, naturally, I'd stumble through the process of creating a blog and write about thoughts, feelings, and deeply personal events in my life and plaster them on the internet for everyone to see. Makes sense.